Castle of Comic Torture: Elite Fail
by Giratina
Summary: The Champions of the regions are bored out of their wits, stuck in a castle on their off-season. Desperate, they call on the members of FFNet to come up with ideas on how they can torture the Elites in the castle full of props and pass the time...
1. Boredom

_Hello, FFNet! You may know me as the author of Metal Coat - yes, I will continue to post it. However, I got to reading a couple of those 'torture the cast of Pokemon!' stories and decided to write a moldbreaker... a fic that is within the rules (yes, this means that it's in actual story format) and doesn't involve torturing the main, main cast. Rather, it focuses on the Champions and E4 of the Regions stuck in a big castle in their offtime... I do not own any of these characters; they all belong to the guys who thought them up. ^^ This chapter is short, but they will get longer once there's actually things to do...  
_

_x Murky  
_

* * *

Five people sat in silence around a table. They all seemed to be quite bored, desperately in need of something to do.

A woman with long, platinum-blonde hair spoke up, black Lucario-shaped hair pins bobbing. "What if we pitted our Pokemon…" She was dressed in all black; long coat, shirt, pants, extremely stupid-looking hairpins…

A boy with brown hair put up into Xtreme Anime Spikes cut her off. "No, Cynthia. We did that last season." He put his hand to his head, thinking of something to pass the time. His shirt was black like hers, but he wore a white fanny-pack and purple pants. There was a black band around his wrist.

It was the League Champions' off-season. They were always bored out of their wits because whenever it was off-season they were all shoved in the same large palace. It did have video games, television, endless props and other entertainment, and plenty of food and water, but an entire three months of just that did not go over well.

"I have an idea." A man in a white beret looked up from the floor, sky blue hair bobbing wildly. "What if we made like the annoying people on FFNet and requested that people send us dares for our Elites to do? They're in this Arceus-forsaken palace too. We could write about it and post it on FFNet somewhere!" His white cape ruffled significantly as the man explained his plan, overjoyed at having something to do for a change, and the white-and-blue formal shirt and purple pants he had on made him look even more show-offish than he already was. Amazing.

Everyone looked at him as if he had just told them they were being let out early.

"Yes! And who knows how much stuff is in this place... we could make them do anything!" Gary smiled.

Steven glanced at his replacement Gym Leader, disgusted. "What a disgusting idea." He waved a pale hand in the air, with a ring on two of the fingers. He was wearing a sort of black vest, with vertical purple zigzag stripes going down either side. There were gray rings around each arm, and his pants were black. His hair was a smaller, slightly floppy, steel-gray version of Gary's.

"I think it could work." Cynthia stood up, letting her black coat whip around her dramatically. "You know how those people love to torture others with these dares!" She turned away from the table they were all sitting at, beaming widely, and swooped over to the computer. Everyone but Steven crowded around the large desk (complete with a giant computer), and finally the gray-haired member of the group got up and followed.

Cynthia typed a few things in, thought a lot, took some suggestions from Wallace and Gary, and pressed a button with the mouse. She sat back triumphantly as the computer monitor brought them to a page on the fanfiction site with a fic entitled _"Elite Fail"_. Everyone (except Steven, who kept his look of stern disapproval) murmured excitedly. Cynthia scrolled to the very bottom of the page, where there was one note written in bold:

**Please, people of FFNet! We need ideas for torturing the Elite Four of the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh regions… we're going to go nuts from boredom otherwise! Send us the most evil, cruel, heartless, and LOL-inducing ideas you can!**

**X Cynthia, and everyone else at the Palace of Impending Doom…**

Satisfied with their work, the group went to bed.

Unknown to them, a man in a black mask stood outside the door. He heard every word.


	2. Revelation

_Wow! I didn't expect many people to notice this at all... but I guess it's just that much better, huh?_ **_Radioactive X-naut _**_and **Vampire Koneko**, thanks! Without your comments the poor souls in the Castle of Comic Torture would still be bored out of their wits. :3 Keep the ideas coming, people!_

_X Murky  
_

* * *

Gary opened his eyes, and remembered where he was. It was two in the morning, in the Castle of Comic Torture. His mind soon set itself into motion. _Ugh… might as well go check Elite Fail, I doubt anyone else is awake…_ The boy got out of bed and pulled on a t-shirt and some shorts. The young Champion slowly drifted over to the computer on the other side of his bedroom and logged on. His eyes widened with surprise; a user named **Vampire Koneko** had submitted some good ones.

As he scanned the list, his smile grew wider. Scrawling it on a piece of paper, he got to doing the night jobs. Koneko's full list was something like this…

_Put makeup on the boys (Aaron, Bruno, Sidney, etc.) while they are sleeping and take photos. Then stick them up everywhere in the castle using Duct Tape. Don't let them take off the makeup for 2/3 days at least. Or, you can just use permanent makeup._

_Push the girls in the swimming pool (Pheobe, Lorelei, Karen, ) while they are not looking._

_Put smiley faces on the boys' underwear. Or replace them with girly ones with fairies._

_Rewrite Drake's soap opera tapes (I know he has them.) with baby shows like Tellitubbies or Hi-5. Or Little Pokemon friends._

_Change Sidney's clothes to pink, girly ones with fairies._

Gary pulled some permanent makeup from Cynthia's stock, and set to work. Scampering around the castle, he shook Cynthia and Wallace awake. Drake was in for a different surprise, and Gary figured Steven would need to get in on the action in a different way.

The trio snuck into Steven's room.

"Arceus above…" Gary muttered. "This guy doesn't even take of the stupid rings when he's asleep?" Cynthia nearly sniggered, but shut her mouth in time. The trio snuck up to the sleeping Champion and began to work on his face.

"No, no, that's blush, it goes like _this," _Cynthia pointed out as Wallace attempted to rub blush in his hair, which seemed to lose all spikiness while he was asleep. Gary whipped out a digital camera and had Wallace cover Steven's eyes while he took a photo. This continued for a while, as the trio snuck around the castle. They were nearly caught by Koga (he was a Johto E4, and was thus invited too), but they dived behind the Japanese screen as he, half-awake, looked around the room and returned to sleep.

S they slipped into Will's room, they realized he wasn't there. "We might need to look out for him," Wallace noted, "He could be anywhere." Vowing to be more careful, they exited after doing the rounds of his drawers.

After they had finished doodling eyes on Bruno's chest, Gary whipped out the list again and crossed the first mission out with a Sharpie.

"We can tape them around tomorrow," Cynthia said. "Now, for the fairy clothing…" She stepped into the Ubercloset at the end of the main hall, and removed a Butterfree costume.

"It'll do." Wallace said as he took down the big boxes containing the male underwear with fairies on them. They ransacked the boys' rooms again, removing all of Sidney's clothes and shoving the full-body Butterfree suit in it.

"Now… Drake's tapes." Wallace scrambled into the television room, and removed Drake's soap opera. He then moved over a few feet, and peeked in a box labeled 'Sabrinas!!!! Do not touch!!!!!!!' in messy handwriting. He pulled it down from the top shelf and brought his finds over to Gary and Cynthia, who peered in.

"Who watches Pokemon Puppet Pals?" Cynthia snorted, observing the station names and times. It looked like a schedule for the entire week for some sort of kid's channel…

"Sabrina's younger self, I'll bet. And maybe Janine." Gary whispered as they ran over to the television. They then got to work re-recording Drake's soaps, after nearly blowing their cover by laughing. It was 6:50 when they finished – everyone would be up by seven. They flung the 'new' tapes back into Drake's box, repositioned it and Sabrina's on the shelf, and moved over to the Great Hall, where they prepared the intercom. Cynthia kicked it off

"Okay, people! Wakeup time! We have something to discuss with you all, so get into your clothes and come down to the Great Hall ASAP!" Thinking this was sufficient, they took their seats.

Little by little, the Elites trickled in. The females came first as usual, blissfully ignorant of the fate of their male counterparts – wait, no. They were giggling in little groups. They saw the boys! As Gary, Wallace, and Cynthia gaped at the few males who had come in earlier, a very angry crowd of men stampeded into the Hall. At the front were Steven and Drake, the latter's cape billowing dramatically.

Gary and Wallace put on face expressions of shock, but Cynthia burst out laughing. "What _happened _to you guys? Ahaha!" She nearly suffocated when Sidney came in, sporting the full-body Butterfree suit and looking like he would strangle someone. The other girls were all laughing as well, but when Sidney actually threatened to strangle someone they inched away.

"Excuse me, excuse me!" Steven stormed to the front of the Hall and glowered at Gary, Cynthia, and Wallace. "What is the meaning of this? And why are you two and the women the only ones not affected?" Gary cracked a wide grin.

"What? You forgot already?" As Drake swished up behind him, it slowly dawned on them that the guilty party did not think of this at all. Slowly, a look of realization tricked across your face. Drake was about to say something, but Wallace pushed him aside and stepped up to the podium.

"Attention, Elites, attention! As you have noticed by now, there have been some hijinks around the castle last night…" ("LIKE ARCEUS, YEAH!" shouted Bruno) "…and we would like to say – Gary, Cynthia, and myself – that it was entirely our doing. It got boring yesterday, so we posted a fic on FFNet hoping to get some ideas to liven up this place and pass the time. It worked." He smiled widely as a jarring amount of booing reached his ears. Unfazed, he continued.

"We would like to have you know that this behavior _will _continue until the three-month period is up, and we all return to our respective Regions."

"And what if," Flint stepped up, clown-painted face (made even more convincing by his… odd haircut) twisted in anger, "we choose not to put up with it? What then?"

There was temporary silence among the three Champions. "Uhh…" was the resounding noise they all made.

"Hah!" The man crossed his arms, a smug grin on his face. "You have no alternative!"

"Yes we do!" Cynthia blurted out. Realizing what she had said, she thought for a couple of seconds and then continued. "If you don't go by it, we'll… we'll… kick you out of your position as Elite Four member!"

A hush fell over the other %90 of the residents. After a few seconds, the group started murmuring. "What?" "Kick us out?" "This cannot be!" "That's cold." "My Steelix is stronger than yours."

"Now, yes, we know you're all disappointed." Gary nodded. "So we've decided to give you free pool rights for the entire day!" He beamed brightly, and the mood lightened considerably. Everyone ran back to their rooms to change.

As Cynthia and Wallace stared at him, Gary smiled and nodded. "I checked the site while you guys were doing stuff. Some dude named **Radioactive X-Naut **posted. X says that Aaron should be covered in bug spray, and that Bruno be trapped in a room with a couch, a TV, and KFT. We can use the Television room for that. And there's also that thing about pushing females in the pool… I found a Kecleon troop hiding out in the indoor gardens who will be nice for that."

Wallace scrambled to the intercom and shouted, "Bruno! You are wanted in the Television room in half an hour! Everyone else, get to the pool." He slipped into the kitchen to call the KFT guys, and Gary dragged Cynthia along to find the Kecleon.

After they had found them, they explained. "Alright, you guys," Gary and Cynthia crouched down so that they were closer to the Kecleon, "we need you guys to push these people into the pool." Cynthia handed out pictures of all the female Elites. "If you do that, we'll give you guys some really good food." The Kecleon chirped happily and invisibly scuttled out to the pool area to push girls around.

"Bug spray time. Go get changed and I'll deal with Aaron – you keep the Kecleon under control." Cynthia wagged the can of bug spray and went into her room.

Gary nodded and retreated to his. They emerged a few minutes later – Gary in a black swimsuit, and Cynthia with a gray one-piece (sans the bobbing Lucario pins). Nodding at each other, they ran outside.

Little red zigzags floated around close to the ground, and female Elites were falling in the large pool at an alarming rate. Laughing, Cynthia took the bug spray and sneakedover to Aaron, who was lying on a floating chair.

"Oh Arceus," he murmured, "It's hot out here. I need sunscreen." Cynthia ripped the label off the bug-spray can, and handed it to him from in the pool. "Thanks," said the green-haired boy, not noticing that it was a Champion – and therefore, a mortal enemy – who had given it to him. Spraying it on, he yelped in surprise as Cynthia dove under him. Aaron tried to chase her but shifted his weight too much and toppled into the pool, drenching Bruno. Cynthia exited as Bruno began to scream angrily at Aaron.

Many complaints of crazy Kecleons and one lengthy explanation of the difference between spray-able sunscreen and bug spray from Aaron later, the sun began to set and the party was over. Wallace arrived on the scene as they all exited the changing rooms in their usual clothes. "Did I miss anything?" He asked.

Cynthia shook her head and retreated to her room, and Gary did the same.

Whistling cheerily, Wallace passed Drake in the hall as he retreated to his room for the night.

As sleep fell upon the Castle of Comic Torture, one blood-curdling scream was heard from the Television Room. It woke up nobody, for the door was closed, but it was a truly horrible sound for any who were to hear it:

"MY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAPS!!!"


	3. Night Watch

_It should be noted that I will not do any shipping in this fic. xD Sorry, **Mattecat**, but that's just not my thing. Any attempts at a shipping request will be messed with! And it will have an end, unfortunately; the closedown time is March 25th, three months after I pressed the 'Create Story' button. Brilliant Murkrow am I!  
_

_x Murky  
_

* * *

And you thought Cynthia went to bed.

Nope! She checked FFnet again. **Vampire Koneko **had some more! Deciding she would do these solo, the woman printed out the list of things to do and looked it over.

_Now, i'm pretty sure all those psychic people (Sabrina, Will, Lucian .etc) have these really wierd meditating tapes with boring meditating music. Replace it with a rap beat - that will annoy the heck outta 'em. _

"Sabrina isn't even here, but sure." Cynthia nodded and read on, eager to find out what other insanity Koneko plotted for them.

_Now, Candice, Maylene, and Gardenia have these stuffed dolls they go to bed with. Cover them with duct tape and make them look horrendous. That will be funny.  
_

"There's just elites and us Champions…"

_  
Have a big girl's night out. Let out some 'Ghosts' (Actually, they're just ghost pokemon like Haunter and Dusknoir._

"All right!" Cynthia got up from the computer chair and snatched some duct tape. _Oh! I have to put up the pictures too! _She thought. Grabbing the now-printed shots of every male E4 member (except Will, and including Drake and Steven), she exited her room quietly and was immediately met by screams of horror.

She dashed worriedly to the origin of the ruckus, but breathed a sigh of relief when she recognized the screaming of Lance. She opened the door, not bothering to look groggy. "What the heck are you up about?" She complained.

Lance looked up at her – he had apparently been… _crying? _Lance really likes his soaps, apparently. "I… my soaps… they're all… gone!" He began to cry again.

"Shaddup, you big baby." Cynthia kicked him in the shin. "They didn't release box sets for nothing, you know. So hey, do you want to help me get this stuff done?" She handed the printed sheet to Lance, who had stopped crying long enough to notice. He got up and took the paper, making a show of swishing his cape dramatically. Cynthia watched blankly as his face changed from on the brink of crying again to smiling evilly.

"Ghosts, tape-covered plushies, and half-decent music. Sounds good to me." He swished his cape dramatically again, and noticed the bunch of pictures in Cynthia's other hand. He made to reach for them, but Cynthia decided them up and handed him half of the photos.

"You'll do half, I'll do half. Get some tape, and we'll do the plushies later. After that, we find all the Grateful Dead music we can find. 'Kay?" Lance took the photos and smiled at her. He turned around (his cape hit Cynthia in the face) and took some packaging tape from a shelf. "Let's get going." He exited the room and took the left side of the building. Cynthia went in the opposite direction.

They both had the same idea – tape the picture above the subject's door so that they couldn't reach it. The two met in the Main Hall half an hour later. Cynthia entered through a side door, and Lance swished down the main staircase, cape billowing and humming a remixed version of Duck Tales' Moon theme to make himself seem more epic. They were both pictureless.

"Good job," they said at the same time as they met in the center. Cynthia handed Lance the note, and he grabbed the side of his cape and whipped it in Cynthia's face as he took the piece of paper. "You plot the girl's night out, I'll go nick some Ghost Pokemon." Lance said. Cynthia handed him an Ultra Ball. "Here's my Spiritomb, for a start." He took it (dramatically, of course).

"Alright." The man removed a Great Ball and a Dusk Ball from his pocket as he ran off, crimson red-colored cape billowing. Cynthia shook her head and prepared the Great Hall. After about an hour and a half, she had finished preparing the huge room.

It now had multiple tables set up along one row with a variety of food. The majority of the room was filled with insanity of every breed; makeup, punching bags, and even a designated Pokemon battle arena.

Lance re-entered. "I found a couple of Gengar in a deserted room!" He proclaimed, cape billowing around him.

"Good. Now hide somewhere where nobody can see you, and release the Ghosts when I give the signal." Cynthia nodded to the red-haired man.

"And what's the signal?"

"I'll walk up to the podium and declare that somebody should tell a good ghost story. When the ghosts appear in the story, send them out." Lance nodded and slipped into a corner.

"But do it in a while," he said, "I have to go swap some CDs first."

**Meanwhile, in the west wing of the castle…**

Will strutted to his computer, purple Anime Spike hair flopping around his masked face. "If they can have their fun, and they're not even thinking of it... there had better be some dares for our dear sweet Champions." He slid into the computer chair, and typed in the name of the story: Elite Fail. It came up eventually, and he stared at the reviews.

Some brilliant little creature named **Rayshia **brought a good one… stick Cynthia and drake in a closet for a day! Spirits lightened considerably, Will left the room to go meditate. He thumped on the door of his fellow Elite and meditating buddy Lucian, and brought him along too.

When he and Lucian got to the meditation room where they usually did their meditative thing, however, they were met with a red-caped man shuffling in their CDs.

"Lance," Will said coldly, "may I ask what you're doing messing with our meditation music?"

"Oh!" Lance whipped around, cape flying everywhere (miraculously not hitting anything). "So that was your music? That you listen to every day? So… it _wasn't _a malfunction?"

"No, it was most definitely not a malfunction." Lucian growled. "Now replace our music before I hit you over the head with a large book I can never seem to finish."

"Besides, messing with our music is against the rules." Will pointed smugly to a poster on the back of the wall. In large print, it proclaimed: "DO NOT MESS WITH THE MEDITATIVE MUSIC!" Lucian stared at him, horrified.

"Will… you just mentioned… oh no, here it comes…" Lucian put his head in his hands as Lance gave a loud roar of triumph. "He's going to quote… Seto Kaiba…" He recoiled as Lance did, indeed, quote Seto Kaiba:

"_**SCREW THE RULES, I HAVE DRAGONFORCE!" **_ The red-haired man roared.

Lucian screamed like a young girl, and leaped to the side to evade a barrage of flying Children's Trading Cards that came out of nowhere. As Lance continued to laugh, more and more flashy lighting and Children's Trading Cards flew in every direction. The CD collection was smashed by a Dark Magician, and the various mirrors around the room were all destroyed by Blue-Eye White and Red-Eye Black Dragons.

Will fainted – but only because Lance rammed him down as he leaped out of the room, cheering. He also came quite close to running over Koga, had the man not punched him in the gut in time. Lance recoiled from the blow, and turned in a different direction and set off again (hitting Koga in the face with his cape). As he fell silent again to rejoin Cynthia in the Great Hall, Will made an odd request…

Growling, Will demanded that Lucian name the most boring closet in the castle. Slightly irked, the other purple-haired Elite suggested the cleaning supply closet.

Giggling madly, Will pranced off leaving Lucian to question his sanity and complain that he never got around to meditating. Shrugging, he returned the meditation room to its proper order, collecting the cards to sell on eBay later on. As he pressed the 'play' button on the radio, the opening notes of _Through the Fire and Flames _quickly urged him to turn it off again.

A few seconds after he had turned it off, the intercom sprang to life as Cynthia's voice blared across the entire castle. "Will all female residents please report to the Grand Hall? I demand partying."

Almost immediately, the female members of the Elite Troop wandered in to the Great Hall, only to find it was all decorated for a party! Pleased that they would get a break from the insanity in the rest of the castle (Lance was running around screaming like a lunatic, after all), they all flicked off into smaller groups. Cynthia walked down from the intercom system and joined the party as well.

A few hours passed uneventfully. Feeling it was time to spring the trap, Cynthia walked up to the front of the room and tapped on the microphone. "Elites." She proclaimed. "Elites. Elites… ELITES!" This got everyone's attention. They all whipped their head towards the pale woman on the stage. "Now, as fun as this has been, it's getting late and you know what that means."

"Bedtime?" Young Sabrina chirped into the silence.

"Nooope." Cynthia smiled. "Ghost stories!"

As she expected, Phoebe perked up immediately. "I have a good one! Can I tell it, Cynthia?" She nodded and beckoned for Phoebe to get on stage. "Okay, so there was this old ruin in the Orange Islands…" Cynthia took this opportunity to slip into the darkness where Lance was supposed to be hiding.

"Lance?" She whispered. "Lance, you might want to get ready so-" But she was cut off by someone pulling on her jacket. Hard.

She tried to scream but found her mouth covered by another person's hand. It was held there while a rag was tied over her mouth. Thankfully, it was a _clean _rag; otherwise this would have been much worse an ordeal. She was pushed into a closet. Thinking she was alone, Cynthia tried to sit down; but when a muffled scream broke the silence, she stopped. Quickly pulling the rag off of her face, she whispered, "Who's there?"

A muffled shout. Reaching downwards, Cynthia felt around until she felt something soft; she pulled it and the gagged person screamed louder. Cynthia's heart skipped a beat, and she abandoned the idea of pulling the rag off in the darkness. Feeling around, she finally found a light switch. As she flicked it on, a sigh of relief sounded from the corner.

Turning around, Cynthia saw a red-haired man in a stupid-looking cape, gagged up in the corner of the room. "Lance?" She muttered. Reaching out, she pulled the rag off of his face. Gasping for air, Lance managed a weak smile.

"Thanks." He croaked.

"What happened here?" Cynthia asked, worried.

"Well," he recalled, "I was lurking in the doorway like you said. I heard footsteps and turned around. I didn't see anyone and figured Phoebe had let her Pokemon out again. So I turned back around, except then this gloved hand reached out and shut my mouth. Another person held me still while the first guy put on this gag, and he shoved me in a closet."

"Did you see what he looked like?"

"No, but I noticed he had a mask on."

"A mask on…" Cynthia tried to think of someone in the castle who had a mask on. "I can't think of anyone." She said. "The guy must have put a mask on beforehand for this."

Lance opened his mouth, but Cynthia began to pace and stepped on his foot.

"Hey! That hurt!"

"Oh, sorry…"

_**SOMEWHERE IN THE ORANGE ARCHEPELAGO…**_

"Holy- that's a lot of Children's Trading Cards this dude is selling! Does eBay even allow that much?!?"


	4. Costume

Gary looked around, and noticed that Cynthia and Lance weren't around. Thinking hard for a while, Gary finally decided to ask Will; he had as much of a chance of knowing as anyone else. He also seemed to be running around the castle all through the night; maybe he saw them? Catching up to Will as he left the Meditation Room, Gary asked.

"Cynthia and Drake?" Will frowned slightly. "No, I haven't seen them in a while." Gary nodded and thanked Will. As the younger boy walked off, Will turned around and gave an evil smile. The men walked away from each other, Gary humming the Moon theme from DuckTales for the NES. Best… level music… ever.

Gary entered the Champion Meeting Room, to check Elite Fail. He noticed there was a big jump in reviews, and clicked immediately. Three of them were from some anonymous dude named **Jarkes.** He glanced over them and printed them out as well – he had some good ideas in between the arguments.

_You seem to keep mixing up Lance and Drake...  
Lance seems to like being overdramatic...  
Can't the Gym Leader's be involved as well? If so, here's one:  
Lock Candice and Volkner in a closet together. A DIFFERENT closet than what Cynthia and Lance are in... And only for a couple hours...  
Wait a minute... Will has a mask, right? ...lol._

"Yes, he does like to be overdramatic." Gary grimaced.

"And no, the Gym Leaders can't be in here too! How on earth are we supposed to get-" Gary paused for a second to count, "Eight, sixteen, twenty-four, thirty-two, and then Koga's kid… how the heck are we supposed to get _thirty-three _people in here? Lol."

_Ooh, ooh! I've got one! Two, actually.  
Stick an Espeon on Karen and blame it on Will.  
Stick an Umbreon on Will and blame it on Karen.  
Yes, I realize that's pretty much the same thing reversed, but give me credit. ...Wait, does Will have an Espeon? If not... just say he does. Lol_

"These are nice." Gary noted. "I like these. Lol."

_Um, only the Champions seem to be here... And why would they... oh, wait. The CHAMPIONS aren't the ones who are going to be tortured, are they? It's the other Elite Four members, right? ...This will be interesting..._

"Like Arceus yeah it's going to be interesting!"

**Koneko **responded again, too – she had some great ones…

_- Make use of the Harry Potter costumes in the back closet. Cynthia can be Hermione, Lance can be Cedric Diggory, Gary can be Voldemort and Wallace can be Harreh Potter. Make Gary go around places saying "Avada Kedavra!" XD_

Gary grimaced and read on.

_  
- Call everyone for a movie. In an ad, Show a sped-up video of Lance. What song? Caramelldansen._

"The Caramell Dance?" He snorted softly, smiling. "Like, those guys from Finland? Or wherever they're from, with the stupid dance? Oh Arceus, he's gonna love that."

_  
- Make Lorelei/Prima, Pheobe, and Karen dress up in cute cosplay outfits. The boys will be, like, "So cute!_

Gary sniggered and printed out the sheet to share with Wallace, Lance, Cynthia, and Steven (who had seemed to warm up at the idea of Elite torture; he began laughing when Lucian recounted Lance's outburst the previous day).

He left the room, spirits heightened quite a bit. He wouldn't dare do the first one – Cynthia and Lance wouldn't go for it. Ripping the first one off the paper, he flung the shred behind him and set to work finding the proper costumes. Grinning, he removed the exact opposite of cute costumes from the Cosplay Closet; who needs Pichu, Charmander, and Buneary when you have Sableye, Magneton, and Articuno?

He bumped into Wallace on his way to drag the costumes into the dressing room. Wallace's eyes lit up at the sight of an Articuno costume, but all dreams were slashed when he noticed it was for a girl. "What are those for?" He asked, pointing at Gary's cosplay suits. Shoving a hand in his pocket, he handed Wallace the print-out. Scanning the paper, Wallace nodded and waved it in the air.

"This Koneko person is a genius," he chirped. "Now, let's see here. Who are these costumes for?" Gary pointed to the costume as he named them; Lorelei got the Articuno, Phoebe would be dressing up as a Sableye, and that left Karen with the mighty Magneton suit. Wallace chuckled when he heard Karen would be dressing up as a Magneton – she would most certainly not approve.

"And we also have to find a funny video of Lance doing something." Wallace noted.

"Wanna make a video of him running around like an idiot and make a GIF out of it?"

"Sure!" Wallace took a video camera from a mysterious shelf and, dumping the cosplay suits in the dressing room, they went off to find Lance doing a crazy cape-flapping dance. This wans't too hard and they got a nice video of him within the hour. Smiling evilly, they high-fived and went to ask Steven and Cynthia for movie ideas.

Steven said he wasn't all that into movies, so he had no vote. Cynthia said they should watch _Hercules_. Nobody had a better idea, so they watched Hercules.

The Champions entered the Great Hall. Steven walked up to the intercom in the Great corner and pressed the button. "Attention, residents of the Castle," he began, "we are going to watch a movie tonight. The movie shall be _Hercules _– if you don't like it, deal with it and watch anyway. It will be worth your while. Also, please head to the dressing room first; if there is an outfit in your stall, you must wear it. No exceptions." Gary shot a thumbs-up at him, and he smiled back.

He removed his hand from the button and walked over to the other three Champions. "Well," he said, "what prompted you to watch a movie? Also, why was it _Hercules_?"

Gary smiled. "Well, because Hercules is a good movie, and also because of this." He ducked everyone into a side room and handed the paper to Steven, and pointed to the second idea. "Oh." He said, surprised. "Interesting..." This was his way of saying 'WHAT IN THE NAME OF ARCEUS IS THIS TAUROS----?!?' His eyes drifted up the paper. "So who ripped this part off?" He asked, pointing to the torn top edge with one ring-adorned finger.

"Oh yeah, that," Gary mumbled. "It was a pretty bad idea, so I ripped it off and threw it over my shoulder." Steven glowered at him as if he was an idiot.

"Don't you understand?" He spat. "_Anyone _can do this. If we left that piece of paper there, then whoever finds it could have malicious intent and do it to _us!_"

The intercom then made a static-y noise. "Unfortunately for you," the intercom stated, "someone already did. Head to your dressing rooms first, and if there's a costume in your stall, you have to wear it… _no exceptions._" More static noises, and the intercom died. Gary and Steven glared at each other.

"See what you did?" They asked at the same time.

"Yes, but what you did was worse!"

"No, yours was!"

"No way!"

This went on for quite some time until Cynthia kicked them both in the shin. "Suck it up and go into the changing rooms!" She snapped. "There's nothing we can do about it now – you heard Mysterious Voice." As the door creaked open to the main hall, they heard hurried footsteps. Bursting out of the side room, all they could hear was the hurried footsteps, which eventually faded out. They opened the door out of the Grand hall, but the corridor was deserted.

"Go to the changing rooms," Cynthia said grudgingly. "_No exceptions."_ Steven growled softly and exited the scene. Wallace and Gary did the same. Soon, Cynthia was left alone. Angrily she swooped away to her dressing room too, following the others.

They entered the large, circular room with many doors leading to their dressing rooms. The Champions had a personal room, away from the Elites, and they opened the door opposite them. It went into a smaller room, with five doors – one for each Champion. Cynthia entered the room on the far left, then Wallace, Gary, and Steven; they heard the door creak open and Lance's voice call out, "Anyone here?"

"Yes." Came everyone else's reply. Another door opened, and Lance entered his stall. A few seconds after that, Lance started cracking up. "Ohh man…" He laughed. "Cynthia, you remember that idiot who tried to blow up the universe a while ago?"

"Vividly."

"Yeah, well… whoever gathered these costumes said he couldn't find one for Cedric Diggory – who the heck is Cedric Diggory, anyway? – So he picked a random one. Cynthia… I'm dressing up as _Cyrus._"

Everyone else in the room started laughing too. "Are you serious?" Cynthia gasped. "You have to dress up like _that_ lunatic?"

"Yeah! I'm serious!"

"Stupid jacket and all?"

"Stupid jacket and all! Thank Arceus I don't have to dye my hair, though. That stuff wouldn't come out for weeks."

Everyone began to chuckle again.

_**SOMEWHERE **__**OVER THE RAINBOW**__** ELSE IN THE CASTLE**_

In a different room in the castle, a man in a black mask listened to the conversation via a recorder he had placed in there earlier. _What? _He thought. _Lance is taking this better than I expected him to…_

_Oh, Arceus screw it all. I'm going to drop an Espeon on Karen._


	5. Murder

_Sorry, for two reasons..._

_One, for being lazy. Two, nobody dies. :3_

_ Also, I know this is a short chapter but I have a writer's block so erm... yeah... but thanks to **Vampire Koneko **and **Jarkes **for these ideas. The Champions (and maybe that mask dude) are forever grateful.  
_

_x Murky  
_

* * *

After everyone had assembled in the Great Hall, half of the residents being poked fun at, everyone settled down to watch _Hercules. _Ares was the general favorite character, as he usually was. It was, as usual, a good movie, but the best part was definitely in the middle when Lance's bit came on. This caused more people to look at him and laugh mercilessly at his choice of cosplay.

The rest of the cosplay crew didn't go unnoticed; the rest of the Harry Potter cast got a lot if 'who in the name of Arceus are you supposed to be?' After explaining that the voice on the intercom was directed at them and that they were forced to wear the suits; _No Exceptions_. The cosplay crew was the butt of %90 of the jokes for the rest of the day.

Lance was not the only one who left in a bad mood.

Everyone went to bed calmly, and night fell upon the Castle…

Steven decided to check the fanfic site this morning, just because he had been skeptical about it earlier – it seemed rather stupid at the time, but he had warmed up to the idea and actually kind of liked it now. He got out of bed and pulled on a shirt and some pants – no _way _was he going to walk around the castle in his pajamas. He shuffled calmly along the highway, nearly jumping in the air when he heard Bruno snoring. "Calm down," he murmured to himself. "It's only just Bruno."

Slipping into the large, Champion-only computer room, he accessed the site. All he had seen from these people were printouts, and he wanted to do something for a change.

_Jarkes__ 2009-01-29 . chapter 4 _

_I've got a good one...  
Replace all of Lance's capes with bedsheets. But not just ANY bedsheets: PINK bedsheets._

"Pink bedsheets?" Steven murmured. "No. We can't do that to another Champion… only to the Elites."

_Vampire Koneko __2009-01-29 . chapter 4_

_XD_

_- Replace Will's clothes with a Beautifly costume. Replace Karen's clothes with a Dustox one.  
- Make Lance scream around saying 'Bloody Murder!' XD_

"Lance runs around screaming 'BLOODY MURDER!' anyway." Steven chuckled. "But the Beautifly and Dustox idea? That's good stuff." He closed the window, and retreated to the Cosplay Closet. He emerged after much shuffling around and some giant cascades of outfits with Beautifly and Dustox full-body suits, and reminded himself again what he was supposed to do. "Will is the Beautifly, Karen is the Dustox."

He drifted into their rooms, and nearly screamed when he saw Karen; there was an Espeon asleep on her face. Trying not to laugh, Steven put the Dustox cosplay suit into a drawer after emptying the entire shelf; he did the same with Will, and wasn't as surprised when an Umbreon was draped over his head as well. Smiling, Steven cleared out his closet as well and flung in the Beautifly suit. Mission completed, he went to bed.

Half an hour later, Will woke up with an Umbreon chewing on his mask. After swatting the black cat Pokemon off of the black mask sitting on his bedside table, he got out of bed and got dressed. Half-awake, Will trudged over to the computer in the corner of his bedroom and checked out the reviews. _Ah, yes… _He thought. _I am going to be quite busy today._

While everyone else was out wandering with nothing good to do, Will swooshed calmly throughout the castle, arms laden with frilly pink bed sheets. When questioned why he was toting around a large amount of frilly pink bed sheets, he would explain that he found them in his closet and wanted to get them out. Most people nodded and moved on with their day, and thankfully nobody questioned him when he entered Lance's room.

As Will flung the closet door open, he marveled at Lance's large amount of stupid capes and rubber suits. Leaving the suits alone (they looked kind of creepy, to be honest) he pulled down Lance's cloak collection and stowed them hastily away in a dark corner of the Cosplay Closet the next door down.

"Now," he said, "I must find a way to make Lance scream that something di-" he stopped midsentence as Lorelei passed by with a 'hey, Will' and got an idea. Nodding back, the purple-haired guy reached his hand into the closet and took out one of Lance's capes; at least these weren't rubber like his suits were. He slipped back into Lance's closet and began to furiously tear the cape into strips. He then found Lance's stash of ketchup (he likes most red things) and dumped an entire bottle of Heinz over the shreds.

Satisfied with his work, Will peered down the hallway, and stopped cold. Lance was trudging along, still in the stupid jacket over his rubber suit. Beginning to panic, Will scrambled back into the closet and hid behind Lance's new pile of pink bedsheets. He sat there in darkness for a second, huddled in deep shadow, until Lance opened the door. Apparently, Lance couldn't see him.

"What the…?" The red-haired man mumbled as he looked around. "Why were all my capes replaced with pink bed sheets? Nobody could have pranked me, could they? Unless some other Champion thought it funny or something." He picked up one of the bed sheets. As he did, Lance stepped forward and his foot slid. "Hunh?" He muttered, glancing down.

"OH MY GOD!" He yelped. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ARCEUS IS THIS?!?" Will smiled widely, trying desperately to hold back uproarious laughter. Lance backed up a few steps, a look of complete horror on his face.

"Who… did this…?" The man gritted his teeth, eyes flashing with anger. "I'm going to find him. RIGHT NOW!"

Lance stormed out of the room and thundered down the hallway. As residents opened their doors and stared cluelessly at the rampaging Elite, an angru roar of a voice reached their ears.

"BLOODY MURDER! _BLOODY MURDER! __**BLOOOOOOOOODY MURDERRRRRRRRRRRR!"**_


	6. Hairdye

_  
1) Replace Flint's hairspray (We all know he uses it) with pink hair color spray. _

"You knew right," the man at the computer said. "And I'm assuming you meant hair _dye__…__?"_

2) Hide a couple Spinerak in a random elite's bed/closet.

"We've got far too many Spinarak around here, you got that right…"__

3) Crush every single pair of Lucian's glasses, hide his contact lenses and then burn his books to ashes.

_- Do a friggin' kareoke night. Make everyone do embarrassing songs. Karen can do a song called 'Kitty cat'. XD  
- Make Will scream. I dunno how, just do it._

That was what it said on the monitor, a bleary-eyed Wallace staring at it.

"Interesting…" he mumbled, scrolling down the page. "It might be a short chapter, if only two people have bothered to reply… ah well. I'm getting started. I'll type it up some other time, I guess… but making Will scream should be fun!" He memorized the list and got up from his chair, closing the window and shutting off the computer.

"Okay." He said. "First, find Flint's hair spray and… what good will that do? **Rayshia **must have meant hair dye." He slipped into the large Medicine Cabinet of Impending Doom, right inside the larger Bathroom of Impending Doom, and looked around in it for pink hair dye.

"No… no… no… ah no, there's no pink… hey! Lucian and Will use purple, don't they?" He snickered as he reached for a can of purple dye, then grabbed a few more.

He placed the cans on the table as he thought about the list. _Alright__…__ now I have to find a Spinarak__…_His eyes lit up. Wallace gave one last glance at the hair dye as he grabbed a few Ultra Balls from the shelf and headed for the attic, running as fast as he could. Everybody was out and about, so he didn't have to sacrifice time for silence.

It at that time occurred to him that Cynthia, Wallace, Gary, or Lance weren't with him. He stopped in the hallway, and briefly considered letting them in on what he was going to do. "Oh, well," he chirped happily, "I was the one who checked the computer."

He emerged a couple minutes later with two Ultra Balls. Both Pokeballs contained a slightly unnerving green spider perfect for inserting into people's beds. He put them in his pockets, and went to regain the hair dye to put into Flint's room… only problem was, it wasn't there. Wallace took the opportunity to shout a loud curse (appropriately covered by a shrill **BEEEEEEP!**) and went to the cabinet again, searching for another bizarre color of hair dye. _It can't be that hard, _he thought. _I mean, we're all anime characters for Arceus' sake. Most of us have crazy hair colors. _His eyes fell on Karen's snow-white dye, and he giggled like a young female schoolchild and snatched it.

Skipping down the hallway, still in an extremely good mood, he pushed the hair dye into a bag just as Flint passed him in the corridor.

"Hey," the red-haired man said with one of his trademark Casual Smirks, having washed off the face-paint in an unknown period prior to this chapter, probably in the span of time Murky was being lazy.

"Hello," Wallace nodded at him. He smirked back and passed; Wallace nearly laughed out loud at the thought of Flint being completely unaware that the stuff in his bag was going to soon make the Afro Guy's hair strongly resemble that of a certain super-duper changing-hair-color-when-exposed-to-console-games (it's a new word!) Elite female named Karen.

"Alright…" Wallace murmured as he entered Flint's room. The guy never put a lock on it; and yet he was still always surprised when his money or some Pokeballs went missing. "Okay, so here's the hair dye." He glanced at the product first to make sure it was hair dye and not, say, deadly poison. It was hair dye. Cheerily, he placed the white hair dye on the table, making sure that the label faced the wall, and removed all the red dye. He then promptly exited the room (but not after taking some of his Ultra Balls).

When he was about halfway down the corridor, Flint reappeared. "Hey again!" The man Trademark Smirked as he said this.

"Hello again." Wallace nodded to him. Flint swished past him, and Wallace continued down the corridor, gravity-defying hair bobbing violently.

"Next thing to do…" He muttered, trying to recall. "Oh yeah. I now have the honor of trashing Lucian's stuff."

He continued to walk down the long corridor until he got to the other side, where Lucian's door was. He had taken a detour to a certain room of the castle that attracted Pokemon like crazy and caught a Charmander, to use for the BURNINAYSHUNNNNN of Lucian's literature.

"Alright. I had better do all the other things first." He sent out the Charmander and promptly smashed Lucian's single pair of glasses (he was at the pool; who wears their glasses to the pool? He's not even near- or far-sighted anyway…). After he had accomplished that, Wallace grabbed all of the Shinolite's boxes of contact lenses (a grand total of two) and tossed them at the Charmader. He burned them immediately, and Wallace patted the Pokémon's head and cooed, "good boy~" The Charmander enjoyed it.

"Alright, now let's go into this guy's library and BURN IT ALL!" Wallace was elated as he opened the door that led from Lucian's room to his personal library. Once they got there, Wallace ushered Charmander in and stood by the doorway.

"Now, use Ember on the nearest bookcase!" Charmander Embered the nearest bookcase. The metal room filled with books promptly went up in smoke.

Wallace grabbed Charmander and put him down outside of the burning room and shut the metal door. "It will run out of air eventually," he explained to the small Pokemon who was horrified at the thought of his master shutting the door on a fire, "and then it will just go out!" the Charmander made a series of high-pitched chirping noises which translated roughly into "YOU BLEEPING IDIOT! WHY DID YOU DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

"I know. You're so proud I'm smart." Wallace nodded proudly, and Charmander rolled his eyes. "You know," the man continued, "you did pretty well. Whaddya say we do these together from now on?" The Charmander smiled at him and nodded.

"Alright! Now we gotta organize a karaoke night and make Will scr-" He was cut off by a loud noise that came in the general direction of the bathroom and Medicine Cabinet of Impending Doom.

"_**WHERE IS MY HAIR DYE?!?"**_

"Cross 'make Will scream' off the list," Wallace commented flatly.


	7. Shipping

_Someone suggested a ship. And so a ship must be made._

_x Giratina_

* * *

Lance had taken the liberty of checking Elite Fail this morning. "Alright," he smiled as he looked over the new comments, "let's get this over with…"

**ChampionCynthia450:**

_Put Ice Cubes In the pool  
_

"But what good will that do?" Lance asked no one, not really expecting an answer. "It's freezing cold anyway…"

_  
Put Aaron in a chatot costume_

"Ah, I like this!"

_Dye will's hair pink_

"It's already purple… and plus actually dyeing it will take ages."

_Put pink bows in Lucian's hair_

**Mira:**

_Make Stevens pokemon neon yellow that looks funny^^_

_make Flints hair cut down or dye it like a pokeball_

_how about there all go to big brother?_

Lance stared at this entry, genuinely confused. "Uh… since I didn't understand and/or thought physically possible half of that, let's just cut Flint's hair and be done with it."

_- Make Lucian's hair Orange. XD Lolololololololol._

"Orange with pink bows," Lance remarked. "Stylish. But I can't really dye it, That would take ages… let's make him do it himself!"

_  
- Make Aaron wear a frilly pink skirt and a Pink singlet top. Make him wear Pink Hairclips, and take all his pokemon (Temporarily) except for Beautifly and Vespiquen. Take Aaron's bug green Pokégear and replace it with a hot pink one._

"I'll take his Pokemon… and switch the Pokegear… but that other stuff isn't going to come out of my mind's eye for weeks." Lance mashed his head against the wall a few times for good measure, and then continued reading.

_  
- Make Will so scared he wets his pants. I dunno how, but take some pictures and send them around the world._

Lance shuddered. "Why is everyone picking on Will lately?"

Shaking it off, he printed out the list and went to find Cynthia and Gary. He came across Gary's room first, and barged in. Gary was in the process of setting up a bunch of Bionicle toys for a dynamic, but fake, war.

"WhatareyoudoingWHYAREYOUHERE?" Gary screeched.

"I just wanted to ask if you wanted to help me get these dares done, geez," Lance explained.

"Oh… in that case, sure. I'll join you." Gary got up, and hurried Lance out of his room hastily. He shut the door and made a big show of ensuring that it was most definitely locked before the dynamic duo moved on to Cynthia.

"So, we have a big list of things to do?" asked Cynthia a few minutes later. They were all standing in a side room nobody used... unfortunately; this room was pitch-black. Lance nodded, and then remembered he had to speak. Nobody could see him.

"Oh. Yeah. They involve putting Aaron in a Chatot costume, putting bows in Lucian's hair, screwing with Lucian's hair dye, reducing Flint's hair to something remotely normal, recoloring Aaron's Pokegear to something of the hot pink variety, and making Will wet his pants."

"What?" Cynthia and Gary screamed in unison. There was a soft squeak from the corner of the room. Gary rushed over, but he didn't see anything. "No problems," he said to the other two, "it was just a Ratatta."

But it wasn't a Ratatta. As the three continued their discussion, a man with purple hair and a really stupid black mask lurked behind a crate. _Well, alright. _The man thought. _If you're going to sabotage us, I'll just sabotage you back. _Zorro Junior turned to the Alakazam beside him and mumbled, "Teleport." The duo was out of there immediately.

"First thing we need to do is find a Chatot costume." Lance pulled Cynthia and Gary along behind him as they headed for the Cosplay Closet. All three of them entered, and a few minutes later met up at the entrance again. All three of them found a Chatot suit, but Gary's was ripped up and Cynthia's had a moth problem. Lance, however, got a more-or-less perfect costume. Cynthia and Gary tossed their costumes into a pile a few feet away and followed Lance out of the Cosplay Closet.

"Do you think Lucian is up yet?" Lance asked.

"Nah," Cynthia replied, "it's a Saturday."

Gary snatched some pink bows from an accessory bin nearby, and they all stopped in front of Lucian's room.

"Only one of us should go in," Cynthia said, "so that we don't cause so much of a commotion."

"Dibs!" Lance hissed.

Grumbling angrily, Gary handed him the bows and opened the door. Lance entered, using the opportunity to whack Gary in the face once more with his cape. The man slinked around Lucian's piles among piles of books that he could never seem to finish, taking care not to mess them up. Lucian would definitely notice if his books were messed up.

Lance then promptly slid the bows into the sleeping Lucian's hair, and tied a pink bow loosely around his neck for good measure. Smirking, he rejoined the other Champions. However, his cape touched a stack of books. Due to the cape's incredible powers, the books all tumbled to the ground. Lucian was up in seconds.

Lance, Cynthia, and Gary ran for their lives.

Having escaped the clutches of the bookworm who was ready, willing, and able to strangle them to the ground, the trio of skulldiggers continued to Flint's room. Cynthia vouched to cut Flint's hair. When she came in, she noticed Flint was sleeping with his back facing up – this made it a lot easier for her to cut his hair. Cynthia brandished the scissors like a weapon, and began to cut his hair.

Sniggering, she wondered how Flint would react to his bowl cut in the morning. "Bowl cut," she explained to Gary and Lance. Gary smiled, and Lance commented it was 'genius'.

"Next, we need to steal Aaron's Pokemon except for Beautifly and Vespiqueen and recolor his Pokegear." Cynthia removed some irremovable hot-pink paint from her pocket and shook it. Sniggering, they moved on to Aaron's bedroom. While Gary and Lance got to work taking Aaron's Pokeballs (except for Beautifly and Vespiquen, of course), Cynthia repainted his Pokegear to a rather unappealing shade of pink.

After peering out the window for a second, Lance dropped the Pokeballs into the bushes. They could probably survive that.

Whether they would survive Aaron finding them in his room messing with his things is a different story.

Aaron shoved open the door, creating an _extremely _loud noise as it made contact with the wall. Cynthia, Lance, and Gary froze in their tracks. Aaron looked around the room, first from Cynthia repainting his Pokegear to Lance staring at him from the window area, and finally to Gary who had gotten bored and was now in the process of stealing his My Little Ponies as captives for the Bionicle war he was planning for Thursday.

"Run for it!" Cynthia barreled right past Aaron, who turned around and tried to grab her. Gary did the same. Lance put his head down so that his dangerously spiky hairspikes were pointed right at Aaron's chest. He rammed through the door too, but the green-haired Elite whipped around and grabbed something.

He only realized what that something was when the entire scene came to a crashing halt with a loud _rip._

Aaron stopped cold, still clutching Lance's ripped cape. The man turned around and walked coldly up to Aaron. This man could look pretty scary when he wanted to, apparently. Cynthia and Gary peered in from the door, not wanting to be close enough to be in range of one of Lance's dreaded attacks.

"_What is the meaning of this?" _Lance growled, every word dripping with poison.

Aaron made a tiny whimpering sound and dropped the cape, but Lance snatched it before it got to the floor.

"_WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"_ Lance held the cape up to Aaron's petrified face.

"I… it was an accident… sir…" he whined.

Lance made a rather unpleasant snarling noise. "Gary," he said coldly without turning to look at the boy in question, "go onto Bulbapedia and find the absolute worst Aaron ship you can find. _Lock the members in a closet."_

Gary was too scared to argue. He ran over to Aaron's computer and logged on. While he was searching, Lance returned his attention to Aaron, who was now seriously regretting entering his room.

"_Why have you ripped my cape?"_ Lance asked in a low tone of voice very unlike his usual cheerful pitch.

"It was an accident… I grabbed for you and… well… I got your-"

"_DONOTSAYTHATWORD."_ Lance spat. "_You have no right to allow the word 'cape' to leave your lips!"_

Aaron nodded faintly. Meanwhile, Gary turned around.

"Aaron and Steven?"

"No."

"Aaron and Cheryl?"

"Absolutely not."

"Roark and Aaron?"

"No!"

"Aaron and… Gardenia?"

"No."

"Lucian, Aaron, and… Saturn? Who comes up with this stuff?"

"_No, no, NO!"_ Lance roared. "I need something _terrible!"_

"Falkner and Aaron?"

A low growl from Lance.

"Okay… okay… Aaron and Vespiquen?"

"Does it seriously say that?"

"No. I just made it up."

"It works for me. Lock Aaron and Vespiquen in a closet while we make up a name for this fine ship!"

Gary snatched Vespiquen's Pokeball and dragged Aaron out of the room. He came back in a few minutes later.

"Did you put them in the indestructible Closet 'o Ships?" Lance asked, not losing the cold tone.

"Yep."

"Now, what should we name this? Capeshipping?"

Gary checked Bulbapedia. "No. Capeshipping is used up by Jackson, Eusine, and… you."

Lance growled softly again. "CapeMurdershipping?"

"Nope, that's okay. Alright, Aaron and Vespiquen is now CapeMurdershipping. I'll log it in the Castle's Book of Ships."

You see, a few years back the Elites and Champions had a contest to see who could make up the craziest ship. (Wallace won with Ho-oh and Magikarp.) After naming it, the group liked the idea so much that they found an old, fancy book laying around and decided to fill it up. The book magically appeared in front of Gary. A pen appeared a few seconds later, which he used to jot it down.

"Okay, it's official." The book and pen disappeared. "Now, let's plan that karaoke night we've been procrastinating for a few weeks."

"Okay."

_**SOMEWHERE (else) IN THE ORANGE ARCHIPELAGO…**_

A young girl sitting at her computer screen squealed loudly. "I don't believe it!" She chirped shrilly. "Someone has finally recognized the great love that was meant to be! Aaron! And Vespiquen!"


	8. Week

"**ChampionCynthia450…**"

_Stick aaron in a room filled with balloons_

_Take Bertha's Teletubies (We all know she has them)(figures, plushies, pillow cases ect.)_

_Push Karen into a mud hole (with a few grumpig and spoinks)_

_Take Sidney's cell phone for a week (I know he's addicted to that thing)_

"**Jarkes…**"

_Take all of Flint's rare and/or retired Transformers toys (I KNOW he has them) and sell them on E-bay. But leave more current toys (such as those from Beast Wars, Animated, or Universe) alone._

"**Vampire Koneko…**"

_Push Aaron in the pool. In the deep end, of course.  
Make Lucian Cry._

All of the Champions were in the Meeting Room for the first time in quite a while. Everyone was staring at the screen, smiling vaguely. They were all, obviously, reflecting on what had happened in the last two months.

"It's going to end in a week or two…" Steven said softly.

"We've got to make it last, then…" Lance mumbled in response.

Cynthia had noticed the date that morning, and called everyone here. "Guys," she had said, "time is running out very quickly. We're already in to this! It's going to end in a _week_! We'll have to go back to getting our tails kicked by ten-year-olds!" (At this point Gary grumbled angrily, complaining that he was, in fact, ten.) "We'll probably start again next year, but until then… what will happen then?"

A man in a really stupid mask was lurking in the rafters, watching it go on. "Yes… we are leaving this place in a week…" he muttered under his breath. "We just need everyone on that fan fiction site to send in as many antics as they possibly can. This season must end with a bang…" The man, satisfied with his ponderings, waited out the Champion's stay in the Room.

He soon realized angrily that it will take a while.

_This will take a while, _he realized angrily.

After everyone had gotten their fill of staring at the screen, Cynthia proposed that they got going. "We'll divide up the pranks, like this." The woman wrote all of the pranks on different slips of paper, and positioned the Champions around the round table. She then passed out the slips of paper, going around the table handing one to each person. When she handed out the first five, she took the last one for herself. "Read aloud your missions!" Cynthia said, and pointed to the first in line.

"Alright…" Lance said, "I've gotta… make Lucian cry? Awesome!"

"Oh dear. I must push Aaron in the deep end, it looks like…" Steven giggled.

"Grab Sidney's cell phone! And Flint's Transformers!" Wallace snorted. (Gary looked down rather uncomfortably at this point. I wonder why?)

"So I… push Karen in a mud hole. Great." Gary put the slip of paper into his pocket.

"So I stick Aaron in a room full of balloons and steal Bertha's Teletubbies merchandise." Cynthia nodded. "Get going! Meet in the Grand Hall when you're done!" She pressed a button on the wall, and a large white box appeared at everyone's feet. Cynthia held up her box and held it to her hip, with the long sides facing her front and back. It then disappeared, and green writing appeared over her head:

_**CHAMPIONS' ROOM, 1200 HOURS**_

Everyone stared at Cynthia, shrugged, and did it too. Soon, everybody in the room (except the masked dude, who didn't get one because he was, you know, hiding) had large green wads of text over their heads. They soon split up to do their missions.

_**TELEVISION ROOM, 1200 HOURS AND 0002 MINUTES**_

Lance stood in the Television room in his caped glory, waiting for inspiration to come to him.

"I feel no inspiration!" he shouted in a Lancelike fury.

Inspiration felt bad for him and dropped a CD on his head.

"I feel much inspiration!" Running out of the room, he darted down the hallway until he came to a room at the end of the hall. The area around it was blackened, and the door itself was strongly scratched and dented. Anyone who didn't know the room's real history would have thought that a bomb went off in there.

Lance stood there for a few seconds, letting the dear memories wash over him. The man stood rather dramatically, with his eyes closed and a grin on his face. A wind began to blow, making his cape billow epically. Having done that, he reached for the doorknob. His cape was still billowing epically, however.

"Ah, yes," Lance said evilly as he entered, "the meditation room…"

_**THE POOL, 1200 HOURS AND 0015 MINUTES**_

Steven glanced around the pool area. Aaron and Phoebe were sitting at the edge of the pool (the deep end, of course) discussing Shedinja and its uses in the modern world (none). Steven lurked behind them, engaging in a short-term discussion with Flint (who had already agreed to be part; he did not like Aaron. At all. Of course, Steven never actually told Flint that his Transformers would be gone…). After a few moments of this, they stepped closer to Aaron and Phoebe. Both took a step backwards, and kicked both of them into the pool.

Much life-running was done in the next five minutes. Aaron, of course, was chasing after them, having already planned a lengthy (filibuster-length – _really really long_) rant for this exact occasion. Aaron's screaming fury soon caught up to the duo. He caught and gagged them with hand towels he found in a nearby closet, and then stood in front of them like some sort of super-villain. Dream on, Aaron!

"What to do with you…" he pondered.

"That I can help with," A mysterious voice said. Aaron swirled around, and locked eyes with a purple-haired man with an extremely stupid-looking black mask.

Steven's eyes went wide, but Flint was merely confused.

"Wh-what?" Aaron asked the man, who he couldn't quite identify for some strange reason (presumably by the fact that he wasn't a genius, and therefore couldn't see through paper-thin costumes).

"I can," he continued. "Allow me to explain what you should do…" As the man said this, he thought frantically, _I hope someone spontaneously gives me an idea from the reviews, so that I could stealthily check the computer and GET AN IDEA… _He was, of course, not hinting at anything. Nope, nothing at all.

_**A MUD HOLE, 1200 HOURS AND 0030 MINUTES**_

Gary dragged Karen by the arm to a mud hole. He pushed her in. She screamed. Gary noticed how incredibly boring this must be for anyone reading it, and blew Karen up.

Then Gary went back to the Grand Hall. Karen was now DEAAAAAD, MUAHAHAHA.

(cue whining people in the Orange Archipelago)

_**SOMEWHERE IN THE ORANGE ARCHIPELAGO…**_

People whined.

_**BERTHA'S ROOM, 1200 HOURS AND 0030 MINUTES**_

Cynthia sneaked around Bertha's room, searching for any sign of her possibly being a Teletubbie addict. Unfortunately, she wasn't finding much to go on. Apparently, what 'we' all know was wrong… at least until she stumbled into Bertha's closet. Aside from the great quantity of stupid-looking scarves, there were a million clones of four extremely creepy blobs staring out at her from every direction.

Cynthia felt the energy being drained from her almost immediately. "It's like going into Claire's… all over again…" Cynthia was understating the problem. Having a million Hannah Montanas grinning her evil grin of death at you from every pink, frilly direction was nothing to the horror that feeling those eyes bore down on you presented in the mind of anyone remotely sane.

"How… can I… defeat it…?" She groaned.

At that moment, a mysterious man appeared behi- wait, no. Wrong character.

"WTF R U DOING?!?" Bertha shouted.

Cynthia turned on her back to meet the seriously angered stare of the oldest Elite member ever… yeah, the oldest. Older than Drake, even.

"Uhh…"

"GET OUT OF HERE U JERK!!!!!!!"

"Okay…"

"GET OTU!!!!!!!!"

Cynthia got otu. She ran out of the room – or, at least, that's what Bertha thought she was doing. "Gastrodon! I need you!" She flung a Pokeball into the air, and a blob-like Pokemon came back down.

"Gastrodon, use Awesomepower to transport this entire Teletubbies memorabilia collection somewhere else! Anywhere else!"

Bertha whipped around and dived for Gastrodon, who was now glowing a bright blue.

But she was knocked out of the way by a white box that appeared in front of her face. In the midst of all of the insanity going on – Gastrodon's Awesomepower moving all of the junk by way of an incredibly power that only Gastrodons and Giratini (the plural form of Giratina) have because they're so awesome, Bertha was able to read the five words on the box:

_It's super effective!_

_BERTHA fainted!_

And faint she did. Cynthia looked around, patted a purring Gastrodon on the head, and return to the Grand Hall. Gastrodon was overjoyed that it got to use its awesome move, and Cynthia was overjoyed that all of that Teletubbies junk was out of the castle for good.

_**SOMEWHERE IN THE ORANGE ARCHIPELAGO…**_

"Oh cr.." the man's spectricolor language was cut off by a large amount of Teletubbies memorabilia cascading on top of him. He survived… barely. The Orange Archipelago Police Dudes (because 'Orange Archipelago Police Force' didn't sound surfer-y enough for the Archipelago) were completely baffled by this string of torture for the residents.

"There must be some higher power at work here!" They all proclaimed.

"A Giratina must be doing all of this!" Another officer, named Bob, explained. "And all of this is probably coming from a castle somewhere on an island far, far away!"

"Like Shamuti?"

"No, farther than that!"

Everyone regarded Bob insane and blew up Shamuti Island anyway. Because the Orange Archipelago Police Dudes were so _RADIKUL_ that they could blow up their own island and not get yelled at.

* * *

_I'm sorry for being so lazy, all of you people who I haven't published the dares for yet. I will be doing them, and I have them all saved on a big chapter document. Also, for the first time EVER, I can give you a date for the next chapter to be released: **March the 17th. **I'm sorry to make you wait, but it will be a huge chapter and I urge you to send in as many dares as you can think of._  
_It might be your last chance until next year..._

_x Giratina  
_


	9. Overwork

_Feed Aaron a dish made of various bug-types Pokemon, but don't tell him what it is until after he's finished eating. Conk him out with a baseball bat or something right after he finishes freaking out so that he doesn't vomit onto the lovely, clean floor/carpet. Unless he faints himself of course._

Make Flint carry the unconcious Aaron up and down the biggest flight of stairs you can find twenty-five times.

Lock various elites in a room with Agatha and Bertha, and force them to listen to the two sweet little grannies rant about 'The good ol' days' and walking twenty miles in the snow to get to school and stuff like that.

_- __**Rayshia**_

_Put hot sauce in aaron fruit punch_

sic a flareon on glacia

_put a pictuce of flint in a disco outfit_

force flint to listen to taylor swift all day

make sidney and karen watch a romance movie

_- __**ShadowPunk435**_

_1)Force Wallace to dance ballet (I don't think he'll have any objections, actually)  
2)Make Lucain wear a beautiful purple ballroom gown :D  
3)Get a horde of Slowpoke to rampage through Aaron's room_

_- __**Silly Slowpoke**_

_1. Snag Lorelei's Jynx and slip her into Bruno's room and chain her to the bed._

2. Remodel Koga's room to have a shrine dedicated to Naruto.

3. Dress Sidney up as a rapper, then have him do a rap in front of Agetha and Bertha.

_- __**SS-Spirit**_

_- Tie up Lucian and Aaron in a very disturbing position.  
- Make Aaron fall asleep during a movie, and make Flint carry him. Take photos.  
- Replace Lucian's suit with a frilly pink dress with hot pink bow ties. And pink Sandals._

_**- Vampire Koneko**_

"Oh my," Cynthia said flatly, "so much to do." She printed all of the dares out on a piece of paper, and drew a checkbox next to each of them. The Champions had gathered in the Grand Hall again. Tomorrow, they would leave this place. Nobody thought that this was even possible, but some of the Champions felt like they were actually going to _miss _it.

"Here's the plan!" Cynthia got up from the chair, as the other four watched. "I'm putting a pen right here. Since there's so much to do, I want you guys to go like this. Wallace, come up here." Wallace came up there. "What you're going to do is check off the first box, the cooking bug meals for Aaron. You're then going to go and do it." Wallace checked off the box and nodded.

"Good. Lance, come up here." Lance stepped up, hitting Steven in the face with his cape as he did so.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"You're going to check off the next box and go help Wallace with the cooking. Then go torture Flint until he carries a KO's Aaron up and down the Grand Hall's stairs 25 times. Take pictures." Lance smirked.

"Now, Gary, go find the first Elite you can and Agatha and Bertha. Lock them in the Torture closet, and get them onto the subject of 'back in the day'. It shouldn't be too hard. Lock the elites in there with them. Don't let them out, because we'll need them again later."

Gary chuckled evilly.

Cynthia checked the list again, and asked Lance to return to the desk. "Don't forget to dump hot sauce in his drink." Lance smirked and checked the box next to that dare.

"Good. Now, Steven," Cynthia continued. Steven calmly stepped forward. "Your original dare was to drop a Flareon on Glacia, but that's going to be kind of hard because she's taller than you." Steven frowned. "So throw a Flareon at her head instead." Steven checked off the box and silently returned to his position.

Cynthia glanced at the sheet again, checked off another dare, and spoke.

"After you've accomplished your missions, return here. Check off the next dare and go to do it. After they've all been checked, wait around. Okay?"

"Okay," the other champions chorused.

"Good. Now go, go! Go, go!"

Lance couldn't help trilling a little chorus: 'Gi-o-VAAAAAAA-ni!' Gary winced.

"Nice reference," Cynthia grunted, "but seriously. Get going."

Everyone got going.

_**LANCE and WALLACE**_

Wallace was flipping through a large cookbook, with Lance peering over his shoulder.

"Ledyba lasagna?" The man with the red hair piped up.

"There are no Ledyba here," Wallace grunted.

"Weedle soup? It's a delicacy in Orre." Lance piped up once again.

Wallace, without skipping a beat, moved his foot over and stomped the life out of a nearby Weedle, who was scuttling across the floor. "Good enough." Wallace left the book on a nearby table and slammed the dead Weedle down next to it.

"One serving… get some broth, Lance." Wallace commanded. Lance nodded and reached for the broth on a nearby shelf. "Good. Now get a carrot, some potatoes, and peas." Spikyhair Dragon Man opened the freezer and slammed a bag of frozen peas on the table, while Wallace set about getting out the necessary pot to cook. He dropped the dead Weedle in the pot, added in the proper amount of broth and peas, and waited impatiently for Lance to get the other things.

Noticing that he was having some trouble finding the other things, Wallace turned around and grabbed a carrot and some potatoes from the shelf next to him. "Okay," he said loudly, snapping Lance out of his little mission. "We have everything. Let's go." Lance whipped back over to Wallace's side. After dropping all of the necessary ingredients, Wallace placed it on the Magic Stovetop and pressed a button.

"It will be done in half an hour," Wallace said flatly. "In the meantime, go and find some hot sauce to dump in his drink." Lance got around to that, while Wallace pulled out a cup and some fruit punch. At that moment, Lance reappeared with a new bottle of MAGCARCO Hot Sauce. Wallace took it and dumped some of it in the punch.

"Go get Aaron," Wallace commanded. Lance nodded.

"To the dining hall?"

"Yeah."

Lance left the room, making sure that his cape didn't knock anything down.

Half an hour later, Aaron was sitting at the Dining Hall with some really nice-smelling soup and a cup of fruit punch in front of him. "Thanks for making me lunch, you guys," he said gratefully to the two men behind him.

"No problem." Lance smiled.

Aaron downed the soup quickly. Finding that his mouth was extremely hot, he took a swig of the fruit punch. It, of course, didn't help.

"Did you like the Weedle soup?" Wallace chirped after he had finished.

Aaron slumped over in his chair.

Lance went over to a closet containing Flint (who was wearing a disco outfit for his photo shoot later that day) and told him to carry Aaron up and down the stairs of the Grand Hall 25 times. As Flint made to argue, Lance taunted back, "What, you don't like your position as an Elite?" Frumbling, the be-Elvised Elite hauled up Aaron's unconscious form and dragged it to the Grand Hall's staircase. As he hauled Aaron up in his arms, Lance slipped back in and took a picture. Flint didn't notice at all.

Lance sent out his Aerodactyl and told it to make sure that Flint dragged him up and down 25 times. Aerodactyl gave a toothy smile, and Wallace and Lance returned to the Champion's Room.

A few minutes after they came in, Steven entered with singed clothes.

"Flareon problems?" Wallace asked.

Steven grunted wearily and checked off the next box, 'Make Flint listen to Taylor Swift all day." He grabbed a Taylor Swift CD from a table that they could have sworn wasn't there before, and left to manipulate the radio system in the Grand Hall.

Wallace peered at the list. "Karen is dead, so…" Wallace skipped off to the TV room, hoping to find Sidney on his way.

Lance was now alone. He skipped the next one, as somebody had gone out of the order to make Wallace dance ballet, and checked off the 'make Lucian wear a ballroom gown' and also, by extension, pink bows and sandals. He, after making a brief stop to the Cosplay Closet to find a beautiful purple ballroom gown with pink bows and a pair of pink sandals, stepped into Lucian's currently unoccupied room. He took all of Lucian's regular clothes (which were only copies of that same formal outfit anyway) out of their hangers, and replaced them with the single ballroom gown. He also snatched all of Lucian's shoes and replaced them with the single pair of sandals.

He then grabbed a bucket full of water from the Janitor's Closet and went to find Lucian.

Lance found him walking down one of the corridors with his back to him, reading a book and miraculously not crashing into anything.

"Hey, Luc!" Lance called out. Lucian, realizing immediately that Lance was the only person who would call him 'Loosh', whipped around. He saw Lance, yes. But why was he grinning evilly? And why was he holding a bucket of water? And why was he moving… closer…?

"WAAAAAGH!" Lucian screamed as his outfit got wet. "Now I have to go change!" He yelled at Lance irritably, only to notice that the man in the cape was no longer there. Grumbling angrily, the sopping wet Lucian thundered back to his room.

Mission accomplished, Lance passed Steven in the hall. He looked extremely unhappy about something. Of course, Lance had to ask him what went wrong.

"I have to find a herd of Slowpoke."

"Well, that's not too ba-"

"And make them _move_."

"Oh."

Lance passed the bemused Steven quickly, entering the room to find Gary already checking something off the list. Lance peered at his decision as he checked off 'remodel Koga's room'.

"He has to steal Lorelei's Pokemon and chain it to Bruno's bed?" It took all of the self control Lance had to stop him from collapsing into a giggle fit. Lance trooped off to find all of the Naruto stuff he could, but he had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't be able to compete in further dares… this would take awhile. He watched Cynthia return to the room.

The woman in the black, fuzzy coat entered the room and, once again, checked the list. Guessing that two hours had passed, she called Sidney to the door to the Champion's room. When he got there, she took him by the arm and dragged him to the Cosplay Closet to explain what he had to do. When he refused, Cynthia threatened to remove his position (as well as much shin-kickery). Sidney winced and all went according to plan.

For the next hour, Sidney was promptly beat up by a couple of old ladies.

Meanwhile, an extremely infuriated Steven tried to resist the urge to yell at the herd of Slowpoke who were now sleeping in Bertha's room. Finally, he gave up on the attempt at verbal conviction and slammed his foot on each of their tails, putting his full weight on it. The Slowpokes were running like Tauros in roughly ten minutes.

Steven smiled and closed the door behind him, feeling much more lighthearted.

Having returned to the room, he found that there were no dares left. He recalled watching Wallace leaving the room – _in a male ballet dancer's outfit. _He quickly scanned the list once again, gray eyes finally falling on whatever was responsible for this:

_Force Wallace to dance ballet._

Steven sighed.

Still in the ballet dancer's outfit, Wallace went around to collect his victims. Aaron wasn't too hard – he was still out cold from the Weedle stew. Frilly-dress-sporting Lucian was at first reluctant to come out of his room, but once Wallace showed him that he, too, had been forced to wear something stupid, he came along.

Shoving them both in a closet, Wallace tied their hands to the other by the wrists. Having done this, he pondered on what would be the most disturbing position for Aaron and Lucian to be in. Finally, he put their still tied up hands over their heads and wrapped a bigger rope around their armpits, forcing them to stick their hands above their heads. Then, he tied Aaron and Lucian to each other by the waist. As he watched the duo struggle around, Wallace squealed like a little girl.

"_Caramelldansen!"_

Wallace skipped back to the Champion's Room, passing Bruno's bedroom in the process. As he did, he noticed someone leaving. _Oh Mew, is that Bruno? _Wallace panicked. _If he sees me like this, I'm dead meat!_

But it wasn't Bruno, and Wallace was, by extension, completely alive meat.

It was Lance, looking as if he were about to collapse. Wallace didn't like the shape that the red-haired guy was in right now (Nidoking Scouts had their uses). He kept putting his hand against the wall to steady himself, and his cape was… his cape was…

_His cape was laying limply down his back._

Wallace knew the man was clearly about to collapse. He was shaking wildly, and as he tumbled to the floor, Wallace caught him. And so there was Wallace, trekking to the Champion's Room dragging along Lance's unconscious body.

When he finally got to the Room, everyone else was waiting for them. Wallace dumped Lance on the couch, still unconscious. His cape was still hanging limply, which startled everyone. Mutterings were soon brought up about Lance, his limp cape, and why in the name of Mew/Arceus/God/Barney the Dinosaur Wallace was wearing a ballet dancer's outfit.

Wearily, Wallace sat down on the arm of the couch and explained.


	10. Singalong

Wallace had concluded his tale of woe and everyone bit their lip and stared at Lance, who wasn't looking in the greatest of shape right now. He was still breathing, thank Arceus for that, but he wouldn't be able to move again for at least a day.

_**THE NEXT DAY**_

Ah, the magic of accuracy!

They had forgotten **Vampire Koneko's** Karaoke Night, complete with Karen (well, okay, not Karen because she's dead) singing a very stupid song. They all decided to brainstorm embarrassing songs for the Elites to sing, and Lance came up with a good one almost immediately: Make Will and Lorelei sing a duet. Not just any duet, though – make Will and Lorelei sing _Anything You Can Do _from that random play nobody remembers but for the song.

Everyone in the room cackled evilly for a few minutes and continued to brainstorm. Gary took out a piece of paper and a pen, to scrawl down the songs that everyone would have to sing (in the most embarrassing manner possible, on request of the user).

They came up with such diabolical plots as Phoebe (she was actually pretty good) singing _U Better Fear Me _while dressed up as a Mesprit; a strange idea, surely, but it to be honest wasn't theirs. This concept came from a spontaneous note taped onto the window, signed with a 'G' and a spot of ink that looked like it had been dripped onto the paper and left to bleed. Strange, huh?

Later that night, everyone was assembled in the Grand Hall. Nobody really thought much of the big, obnoxious, grand stage up in front; there are a lot of strange things that pop up around the Castle every once in a while. So they kind of ignored the giant stage and talked amongst themselves (save for Will, who was staring into space, and Lucian who had his head in a book).

So it came as quite a surprise when Lance spontaneously bounced onto the stage holding a handheld microphone. Not that Lance was spontaneously bouncing onto the stage; nah, that was just part of what made Lance… Lance. No, what came as a surprise was the fact that the word 'KAREOKE' was now blinking behind him in large and obnoxious red lettering. Several people shuddered; way to kill the mood, omg.

So anyway, Lance was up there holding a microphone. He began to speak, letting his awesome voice set in on the less-awesome citizens of the Castle of Elite Fail.

"As you have no doubt noticed by the no doubt big and obnoxious red sign that is no doubt blinking the word 'KAREOKE' in really big red letters which is no doubt behind me, we're having a karaoke night tonight because, well, it's getting close to the deadline." Some people cheered at the last line, but were quickly shushed again when he tacked on, "and also one person suggested it and we never actually remembered to do it to torture you all."

The same people groaned loudly after a brief interval.

"So we're just going to pick some people from the crowd and also pick a random song from some sort of selection system which is also completely random," which, of course, meant that it wasn't random at all, "and we're gonna make you guys sing it!" He took a few leap-bound-hop-steps to the left, where the big obnoxious lettering had now been replaced by the words…

_U BETTER FEAR ME_

"Bruno?" Some people wondered.

Lance just smiled and continued to look at the screen.

_As is to be sung by Phoebe._

Several people (including Phoebe herself) started laughing. She was still smiling like a maniac when she came onto the stage, in the strange Mesprit outfit. Her preformance went without a hitch.

"That was... heartfelt," Lance said, larely able to contain his snickering. "If I would be so kind as to direct you to the screen in the center of the stage..."

_ANYTHING YOU CAN DO_

And below it, in a smaller size,

_As is to be sung by Lorelei and Will._

Lorelei made a clearly unhappy noise, and Phoebe and Cynthia giggled at her. She unhappily slunk up to the stage and took one of the two mikes (how the other one got there, we shall never know) that Lance held out to her. She took her position at stage left.

Will, on the other hand, gave a determined smirk and stormed up to stage right, snatching the microphone from Lance in the process. He was clearly enjoying the concept of proving himself better than someone else, even if it was only in a song originally sung by a female outlaw and a guy named Frank. Hopefully, he was the guy named Frank.

A giant screen slowly lowered behind the crowd, with letters big enough that Will and Lorelei could read. The screen flicked to life, proclaiming in the properly color-coded lettering…

_MALE LEAD: WILL_

_FEMALE LEAD: LORELEI_

Lorelei and Will glared at each other. The music started, and you could have sworn that they were actually saying this in real life and that it wasn't just karaoke off of a giant screen.

"Anything you can do I can do better," Lorelei began.

"HA!" Will retorted.

"I can do anything better than you."

"No, you can't!"

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't."

"Yes I can!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes, I can. Yes, I can!"

"Anything _you_ can be, I can be greater!" Will smirked, pointing a finger at Lorelei. "Sooner or later, I'm greater than you!"

"No, you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No, you're not!"

"Yes I am, yes I _am_!

_I_ can shoot a partridge with a single catridge-" _Wait, what? _Will thought. _What the heck is a partridge? Did I even pronounce that right?_

"I can get a Spearow with a bow and arrow-" _That didn't even rhyme! _Lorelei huffed to herself. _Idiots._

"I can live on bread and cheese."

"And only on that?"

"Ye-"

"SO CAN A RAT!" Lorelei shouted. Will recoiled visibly, but delivered the next line with extra force.

"Any note _you_ can sing, I can sing _higher_."

"I can sing any note higher than you!" Lorelei spat.

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can!"

"No, you can't!"

"Yes, I can!"

"No you caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't-"

"Yes… I…" Lorelei took a deep breath, looking as if she were going to actually do it. However what happened next was entirely different.

"_Wait, what?!?"_

Will snorted. "I knew you couldn't do it."

"I can do it!" Lorelei spat back at him, taking a step closer.

"Then do it."

"Alright, I will!"

She didn't.

"You can't do it."

"I can do it!"

"You can't do it."

"I can do it!"

"You sound like a small blue train."

"What?"

"Don't tell me you've never read one of the fundamentals of children's literature."

A pause.

"Well… uh… no, not really."

Will rolled what was supposed to be his eyes but was half-covered by his hair and a stupid-looking black mask. "Oh, come _on_."

"No, seriously!"

"Even _I've_ done that. So now, I can do anything that you can not do!"

"Fly to the moon."

"'Scuse?"

"Fly to the moon!"

By now, they were both ad-libbing it completely.

Will glanced back at the screen, unable to find a way to retort to this. "I can jump a hurdle."

"I can wear a girdle."

"I can knit a sweater-"

"And I can fill it better!"

"I can do most anything," Will said, shrugging with the proper snarky voice as of he were doing this for real.

"Can you bake a pie?" Lorelei snapped, completely serious.

"No-" Ditto.

"Neither can I." Lorelei turned away from Will at this point, folding her arms.

This went on for pretty much the entire song. Even after the song had actually finished, Will and Lorelei were still going at it with an ad-lib, not even noticing that it was over and not skipping a beat. Nobody had the heart to tell them that they had to stop (and plus, it was too much fun to watch them ad-lib the entire thing anyway).

"Any 'mon you can train, I can train better!" Lorelei snapped.

"I can train a Pokemon better than _you_." Will laughed out loud.

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can."

"Oh no, you can't."

"No, I can't."

"EXACTLY MY POINT!"

"What?" Will squeaked. "You were supposed to say 'Yes, you can!'"

"And you just did."

"… Oh." Will stared at Lorelei for a few seconds.

"Anything you can read, I can read faster!"

"I can read faster than the both of you!" Lucian screamed, huffing onto the stage. "Will you two please _SHUT UP_?"

"Anything we can be, Lucian can be more annoying…" Will started, ignoring Lucian completely and not missing a beat.

"He's more annoying than the both of us combined…" Lorelei stepped into harmony, also ignoring Lucian.

"No, I'm not!" Lucian objected.

"Yes, you are!" Will and Lorelei sang in harmony.

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"Yes I am!" Lucian snapped, clearly wanting to trick them.

"EXACTLY OUR POINT!" Lorelei and Will screamed in harmony.

The latter quickly tagged on, "Weren't you listening?"

"No, I was not!" Lucian growled.

"Then what's the point?" Lorelei shrugged. "If you weren't listening, you wouldn't notice us…"

"Any lie we can tell is better than one of yours." Will folded his arms.

"That's a lie!" Lucian screamed.

"OBJECTION!" Will pointed at Lucian, complete with the dynamic pose.

Everyone watching them was either A: staring open-mouthed or B: nearly suffocating from laughter.

* * *

_"The time has coooooooome~  
It's for the best, I knooooow it..."_

_Alas, the final chapter of Elite Fail will be posted tomorrow (which just so happens to be Platinum Day for all of us Americans! Yay!)_

_Thank you for all of your support. The cast (well, okay, some of the cast) and author would like to thank you dearly._

_x Giratina  
_


	11. End

The sun slowly ascended above the boundless sea, bathing the entire island in its flowery-prosed light. Twenty people, each within their own room (some of which they barely even recognized) woke up and stared out the window at the almost blood-streaked sky. And all of them, no matter their mindset, had woken up with only one single thought crossing their mind, repeating itself in their heads like a really cheap CD player the likes of which were last seen by someone remotely interesting in about 2001.

It was not how pretty the sunset was today, or where their hair dye went off to ('cuz they really needed it; silver-blue-white is a hard color to maintain in your hair), or how painfully stupid Naruto was and how fun it was to throw things at a big stone bust of him. There was only one thought, one measly scrap of knowledge, which echoed through every single human mind in the giant manor.

_I'm leaving._

_I'm leaving._

_I'm leaving._

As the residents of the castle stirred, this thought still swirling around in their minds, the morning rituals (getting dressed, eating breakfast, downing an entire can of Coca-Cola in under a minute, etc.) seemed to pass them all by in a strange haze that nobody could recall. Speaking of hazes, there was a mist floating above the island that seemed to be descending slowly…

Finally, the clock chimed eleven. Everyone nearly screamed with happiness (and some actually did); there was only an hour to go until they left this Arceus-forsaken place! After the initial jubilation, however, five of the residents felt a very unpleasant sensation in the pit of their stomachs, one that they never expected in their wildest dreams (which, of course, have a strange tendency to come true) to affiliate with getting their sorry tails out of the Castle.

Sadness.

Somehow, in some unknown switch-flickery while they were on the Island, five people did not want it to end.

Cynthia, Wallace, Gary, Lance, and Steven were faced with a very difficult predicament. They had greatly enjoyed the little pranks and tricks that always made the Elites find themselves in strange situations. Sure, they could do it all over again next year. Sure, they could always come back when that time of the year came and dish out a new batch of insanity for the Elites to deal with _OR ELSE_.

But the real _problem_ was simple: how would they survive that long?

As strange as it seemed, the five Champions kind of liked the things that went on within these totally stampeded, exploded, Explosive-Lancetastic-Children's-Trading-Card-Game-bombarded, blowtorched, mud-splattered, angry-old-lady-shredded, and basically _abused_ grounds. And now they had to leave this insanity to go back to standing in a room with blinking lights all day, with the only events being some dude with a Level 100 Shiny Mewtwo team beat them and then require them to pretend they were happy about it? Yeah, right.

As strange as it seemed, that was the way that life worked.

Finally, the boat arrived. As the small group of people boarded the boat, some running for it like the island was going to explode and others trudging along at a sluggish pace, some of them glanced backwards on the grand castle they had all came to loathe/love. They all had their positions where they passed the time while on the boat. These positions ranged from leaning on the back deck (Lance) to sleeping in the cabin (Sidney) to sending their breakfast overboard (Bruno).

Some people were in rather strange positions: Flint was sitting in the cabin, doing an exptremely long and very un-awesome math test with 150 problems. ONE. HUNDRED. AND. FIFTY. PROBLEMS. Bruno and Drake were both dangling action figures over the seriously ticked (and considerably shorter) heads of Aaron and Gary, who had recently gotten their action figures stolen by a mysterious force.

A mysterious force meaning, of course, **ShadowPunk435 **had requested it and Wallace and Cynthia delivered.

Will ditched his usual location of leaning on the outer wall of the cabin in favor of leaning over the back edge of the boat, where he found himself next to Spontaneous Becapified Red-Not-Pink Xtreme Anime Hairspikes Man.

That's Lance for those of you who speak English.

So anyway, Will and Lance were both leaning over the back edge of the boat, staring at the island and the grand castle upon it.

"A whole lot happened this season, huh?" Lance asked, in an attempt to make small talk with the strange man. He was projected as a headstrong man who really liked to get himself stronger; this was half of the answer. When presented with being trapped in a castle with a bunch of other Trainers, however, Will became strangely antisocial. Arceus knows why.

"Hmm," was the only reply that Lance could get out of Will.

After a few more repeated attempts at discussion, all met with the same quick and painful (to Lance) demise, Will's slumped figure straightened up as his one visible eye squinted in concentration.

"Hey, Lance." He nudged the Champion in the ribcage, glancing over to him.

"Yeah?" the man replied, overjoyed that Will was actually _talking_ to him now.

"Is it just me, or is there a person standing on that island?" Will pointed one white-gloved hand back to the dock. There was a shadow that looked kind of like a man there…

"Oh yeah." Lance frowned slightly and leaned farther forward over the boat's edge. "What's he doing there?"

"I think he's… laughing." Will looked and sounded extremely surprised (a rare occurrence), and Lance quickly acquired the same expression on his face.

"It kinda does!" he exclaimed. "Wonder who he is, though?"

Will shrugged. The next moment, the cloudy mist that had been looming above them for all of an hour finally dropped and they could see no more of the island that had brought them so many mixed emotions.

The formally-dressed man with the purple hair quickly resumed his spot leaning against the outer wall of the cabin. Lance didn't try to stop him. His mind was still on the man on the island… who was he? And what was he doing on such a mystifying place as the Docks of Shame?

There was, in fact, a man on the island. He looked down at himself, almost in disgust of his appearance; but the black mask around his eyes made it kind of hard to read his expression.

Well, at least until the eyes under his mask glowed red. That should have helped a little.

"I always hate having to be a boy," the figure whined in a feminine voice. "It's so strange."

Sighing, the man was whisked into the air and was replaced by a rather imposing gray dragon-creature with black wings and a golden headpiece.

Hey, I didn't feel like describing myself again. I already did that to great length in _Metal Coat_.

"Bye, you guys!" I smiled, waving a wing at the spot where the boat had disappeared. After realizing that the boat had, indeed, disappeared, I lowered my wing and gave another murmur in my feminine voice.

"See you next year – assuming Darkrai and Mesprit don't blow up the place." I, Giratina, official narrator (and sometimes author) of the goings-on in the Pokemon world lately, was actually standing out of sight of the actual characters and _waving goodbye to them_. I honestly couldn't believe myself.

I then flapped into the air and roared loudly: "COME ON, YOU GUYS! THEY'RE GONE!"

At once, a host of teenage children began to climb and poof out of… well…everywhere. A kid with floppy green hair and a weird green dress simply conjured herself from thin air, and walked over to meet me. I dropped to the ground, now in my human female form, and greeted her.

"Hi, Rayquaza!" I chirped. "How's it going?"

"I'm okay," the girl laughed.

Another boy, this one about fifteen, climbed straight out of the ocean. He wore a blue hoodies with red decals swirling all over, and his hair was seaweed green.

"Kyogre!" I waved.

"Giratina!" He waved back, laughing my name.

As I watched this host of Legendary gijinkas come to life enter the castle from every manner possible; the ocean, the sky, a spontaneous plume of fire, a dark rip from another dimension, walking down the dock from thin air, I smiled visibly.

My _other_ friends were here, and we were going to play. After everyone had entered the Castle, I followed and shut the door.

These Gijinka forms Legendaries had were so useful sometimes, and the felt so amazingly good to be in our human skins; I mean, we all used to be people ourselves…

_**ELITE FAIL; END.**_

* * *

_Anyone who read Metal Coat would know exactly what I'm getting at here with the Giratina; in case you didn't, I am a Legendary Pokemon chosen to chronicle some stories of the Pokemon universe into fanfics and present them to the general fandom, with them being completely unaware that these things actually exi-_

_Wait._

_Well, anyway, I hope you enjoyed Castle of Comic Torture: Elite Fail.  
Come back in nine months._

_Also, happy Platinum Day for those of you who live in America!_

_x Giratina  
_


End file.
